Today I got across this, how to evaluate from the symptoms if you have an adult ADD. Great, blame it on disorders.. Too many of them fit. I read again something often as I become easy distracted from what I read .. depending on concentration level. I forget what I'm looking for, miscommunicate times and days, don't just manage to open letters as soon as they arrive, get lost in a supermarket because there are too many things and I don't want to think about anything practical, make decisions, or I get lost by the kids screaming in the background... I reread my own sentences and posts because I forget what I was saying.. I can't think with words as my mind has too many thoughts and htinks on the the picture mode (letteral dreaming), I feel paranoid if I'm forced to see tv news (it makes no sense to see how many dead people there are in the world because of this and that and that, know that this and that local nonsense, then enlighten the feeling of guiltyness for being in a non-war country by listening to the sad weather report or the end nonsense news.. I just can't do it, so I don't see the news)... they have a list of 18 points and I could continue the list to be longer. Yes, yes, yes.. I do this and that, I can't concentrate, my mind is too fast. I thought I was just a bored, bored, bored (pseudo?) intelltectual kid. Well, now I can blame it all on ADD..

As a kid, I think the only 'disorder' or 'specialty' that was available as option was dyslexia. And that was considered dumbness or lazyness in practise. I have a brain that corrects most of the typos my eyes make, but often I laugh when I read something funny ... the only thing that gave me real problems was the mathematics. I found no reason why my answes were wrong, I checked and recheched.. and the 3rd check only showed me that a 22x3 had transformed to 3x22 or 2x33 - not to things that make any sense. Mathematics did not allow my mind to correct what I saw had to be wrong... thus I never liked mathematics. That, seeign things wrong and thus getting the wrong answer was what I hated in maths and physics. And what I still hate. I keep my phonebook electric only as every time I have changed my address book to a new one on paper, I always have screwed at least 2 or 3 phone numbers of it. I control the numbers again like 10 times, but still a 21 turns to be a 12 or a 96 a 69, and there are phone numbers that I always misdial so systematically that I want myfriends nearly to change their numbers only for the reason I wouldn't misdial them any more... and I can blame all that on dyslexia. Dylsexics untie.

I had bad migraines as a kid. A bad stomach, a lot of this and that. And now I choose what to eat or what not to eat according to it being vegetarian (I am), vegan (when my stomach gets really screwed, I seem to digest only raw vegan "living food" and plain vegan), gluten free, .. ok for the irritable bowel syndrome that is just a standard addon with fibromyalgia and migraine. .. and lactose free, and no animals at all, and this and that. The next excuses or things to blame? Asperger's syndrome. I am an emotional moron, and reading what the people with a clear asperger do, makes me get their symapthies. I've done similar 'dumb' things, and I have definitely made more people upset by telling them the truth to the questions that were not supposed to get the truthful answers.. I am too blind to not understand the female logic, so too often I answer truthfully.. still. And then see from people's faces they are upset, and tell myself once more that this and that question is among those that are waiting to get a lie answer. Now let me tell you something. Being a female (you are supposed to serve a male in the future, get married etc - that goes unpronounced behind all your behaviour teachings and education) AND if not obeying your dad you would feel again the leather belt in your butt, helped the asperger tendency to not develop very much. Get beaten, remember what upsets you dad, and never do that again. If that takes away the excuse of asperger, you still have the infantile violence as an excuse.

And bullying. I was one of those 10 different kids among 1000 in the school. I remember I have read about a woman who asked for money from the city where she lived - she had been bullied in 3 different schools and she thought the school had not done enough to prevent her being bullied. Hello, wake up. I understand 1 ... maybe even 2. But 3? Maybe you are just a weirdo .. and maybe the system is as weirdo too if you can make that claim go thru.

But an average person does not want the responsability of his/her life. "I had an unlucky childhood" (hey, so did everyone that I know, "I was bullied in the school" (so was anyone that I know that now are strong and do what they want without bothering to think too much what their neighbors think), "I am a cultural halfbreed" (I know how it is to not speak any language 101 % perefectly), "my first, second, third etc husband/wife was an idiot" (amazing.. I'd understand you being blindly in love once to not see the other clrealy enough.. but 3 times?) ,"my dad was an alcholic" (you are an adult now, get over it), "my this and that died" (so do we all). And all the standard excuses. All the diseases, choises.. from being a meat eater (antivegetarian diet) or just a low vcard atkins dieter to being a muslim or a hindu.. you can't eat meat or milk or wheat or soy or beans or sugar or alcholol or just anything ... or can't have your picture taken for the drivers licence as your religion forbids you being pictured without a burqa .. (that is sexual and religious discrimination. If a woman of a certain religion would be allowed to have her face covered, so should every person of every or any religion).. I think if I was a guy, I'd be a sikhi... just so I could have an excuse from shaving. It's part of the religion to not cut any body hair or eat meat or do this and that, so I could just blame people being discriminating .. and then blame this and that.

There are choises. And limits. But they don't have to be/come anything too limiting or to blame. Having been bullied can be in your past, but it can be as well that you are now a stronger person. Having migraine can be a real headahce for you, but who can you blame? Your body or your parents? IBS is painful too, but if your dad has it do you have to blame him for having made you? Adapt to what you are. I find every stamp (this and that ideology, this and that syndrome, this and that disease etc) to be just limiting. Be whatever you are, but don't blame anyone or anything or use excuses.

If you want to be free,
Get to know your real self.
It has no form, no appearance,
No root, no basis, no abode,
But is lively and buoyant.
It responds with versatile facility,
But its function cannot be located.
Therefore when you look for it,
You become further from it;
When you seek it,
You turn away from it all the more.
- Linji